Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Stop the Roller Coaster

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster that's going way too fast. It's making me nauseous. Can it be stopped to let me off, please?

I [[heart]] being engaged! I'm way excited to plan the wedding. We kind of started the process, but with so much family stuff going on, it's suddenly had to take a backseat for a while. I'm okay with that, though. There are more important things than my wedding.

Following my brother's daily updates from Reno is rough. I feel absolutely helpless and even though I'm praying for him pretty much non-stop, it feels like I should be doing something. And I'm not. I can't.

I'm having a hard time not being angry at God. I'm struggling because I know how powerful He is. I know He could heal him. Today. Within the hour. Right this second. But He's not. And that makes me angry.

Blech. I feel like I just threw up on you.

I've always hated roller coasters.


Jamie said...

Thanks for being real. I'm not a fan of roller coasters either (even though I used to pretend I was). And... throwing up just has to happen every once in a while, so it's fine that you shared it with us.

.: theChris :. said...

Sister. 3 things:

1] Don't stop planning your wedding on account of me! That's crazy-talk. This is only temporary, and we will be coming out on the other side.

2] I am not going to die. Sometimes it feels like I am going to die, but I'm not. God's got this. Don't fret. He will sustain me and bring me home stronger than when I left. I know it.

3] Don't be angry at God. His ways are not our ways and I'm oh so very grateful for that. He could heal me right now this very instant, but so far He has chosen not to. I'm learning not to question the Creator of the universe who also happens to be love. God knows me intimately and knows what is best for me even when I don't. I trust Him in that despite the discomfort. Please join me in that; it's very freeing.

Oh and one more thing: Thank you for caring so much. I love you too.

Jamie said...

I like the Tschamler family. (I'm assuming I like the ones I haven't met yet, but so far, so good.)

Ellie Tschamler (Clevenstine) said...

Thanks, Jaime. I guess I like you, too.

Suzanne said...

Bek, I know that discouragement! Yes, God could heal instantly. And I often wondered why He didn't do that with me. But hindsight is 20/20 and He taught me some amazing things through the process. He is good. I think it's in Narnia that C.S. Lewis says, "Aslan is not safe, but he is good."

Carolyn said...

Why do you think God isn't healing Chris? What if he's healing him but it's going to take some time? Be patient, my wonderful friend. He's at work and sometimes those things aren't instantaneous. There are so many pieces in the tapestry of Chris', Becky's, mine, (and everyone else that is connected to this situation) that God is weaving. It might not be as simple as just touching Chris and Valeen's bodies and BAM they are healed. Revel in the depth and complexity, but always pure and good, nature of our God.

vanessa said...

i like the way you wove a metaphor through this one...good writing. keep it up!