Thoughts on Marriage: 2 Months

Tomorrow will be two months since Chris and I got married. In some ways, it seems much longer than that. Especially when I think about how much I've had to learn. How much adjustment and change and growth has already happened. Getting married is the best and hardest thing I've ever done.

I think the thing that has taken me most by surprise is how, in the middle of this most intimate of human relationships, I find myself having to cling more completely and more wholly and more fervently to God. I am having to trust Him and go to Him with more frequency. I am having to confess more to Him than ever before.

When I was single and struggling with my desire to be married, I thought my dependence on God and my desire for Him during that time was so strong that it would probably be unmatched by any other time in life. My singleness put me in a position of asking God to fill my need for love and intimacy. It was a daily battle. I would swing wildly from one extreme to the other - from despairing and being consumed by my unfulfilled desire for a husband to the next moment brimming with hope and belief in God's promise to fulfill the desires of my heart. It definitely was a time of growth and maturity and independence.

But thankfully, I was wrong about my desire for God. It was matched, and in fact has been surpassed. Marriage has taken this dependence-on-God thing to a whole other level.

I've had tons of friends get married. I'm a realist. I knew going into this that it wouldn't be easy. I knew it would be hard work. The interesting thing is, though, the things that I expected to be hard actually aren't that hard and things that are hard are things I never expected. I suppose you can't truly ever be prepared for something like this ... at some point you just gotta jump in.

Here's one thing that makes it so challenging: It's having to make adjustments in every single part of your life. All at once. If we could take things one at a time, it would make more sense to expect perfection. But we can't do that, so we have to give each other the allowance to make mistakes and the grace to have second chances.

The amazing part is, though, through all this change and adjustment and growth, as long as I involve God in the process, I'm finding within myself a greater capacity to love Chris.

So ... if that is the result then I say, "Bring it on!"

Married Life and Such

Here are a few random thoughts tumbling around my head today...

1. I love being married. It's so fun. It's like having your best friend over for a sleepover every night. Seriously, it's awesome. Don't get me wrong - it's work. Hard work. In some ways, harder than I ever anticipated. But SO worth it.

2. Speaking of being married, I think there's something in the air. Four weeks ago we got married. We went to a wedding this past weekend. We're going to another wedding this coming weekend. Then two weeks after that we're going to another wedding. It's like I'm a senior in college again.

3. Today is September 15 and we are going camping for this first time this year this weekend. That's just sad. I guess, though, I have been a little busy this summer. So even though it's just for one night, I'm ready to get my camp on! Thanks for the idea Jamie.

4. Kanye needs to start thinking about the impact of his words before he allows them out of his mouth.

5. My amazing husband took me to see a Cirque du Soleil show this past weekend - Kooza. I first heard about Cirque du Soleil something like 15 years ago and since then, I've wanted to see a show. I was not disappointed. It was the BEST show I've ever seen. The music, the dancing, the acrobatics, the costumes - everything. And we saw it all from a few feet away! Here's a little taste ...


Actually, you know what? This deserves a post of it's own.
I'll get right on that.

Wise Counsel

Chris and I have just begun pre-marriage counseling. We're meeting with a very wise, Godly man (who I know will read this because I'm writing about him - hey Doug!) and even though we've only met twice so far, I've already got lots of good stuff to process.

I thought I'd share a few things I've learned.

Marriage is about helping. It's about being better off together than alone. A married couple should be more than simply the combining of two individuals.

When communicating, make statements about yourself. Ask questions about the other person.

Fights have winners and losers ... marriages don't. Either both are winners or both are losers.

Contrary to what many believe, when Genesis 2:24 talks about becoming "one flesh," it's not referring to a single act (you know ... THE act) but to a process - one that lasts a lifetime. Hence the word "become."

If you're married, did you do pre-marriage counseling? What's the best thing you took away from it?

The Better Marriage Blanket

So tell me, married people. Is this worth $150?

A Love Story

Being a big sister is hard. I know. I've been one for 28 years.

When I was in college my brother was dating a girl that I didn't like. He had been dating her for several years and in my outspoken-pushy-big-sister sort of way, I had made it very clear to him that I didn't like her. Although I had some legitimate reasons for my concern, I did not express it in love [not even anything close to love] and it almost destroyed our relationship.

Thankfully, in God's infinite wisdom, after years of fighting, he allowed me to get to the point where I had to give up trying to control my brother's choices about whom to date, and just leave him in the Lord's hands. I stopped telling him what I thought he should do with his life. But I prayed for him constantly.

A few years later he met Valeen ...


When I read his blog post yesterday, I started crying. To hear him talk about his wife this way is what I had prayed for for so many years.

I knew that I'd do anything to fix the mess that I was in order to be the man she deserves. I knew she was much more than I deserved.

My dream is to feel that way about my husband. And have him think of me like that. I hope the Lord fulfills that dream. But it's so obvious to me now that God's plan is the best one. And his timing truly IS perfect. And when I think of stories like Chris and Valeen's, my impatience and doubt seems so silly.


When I grow up and get married, I want to be just like my little brother.

You think you've got relationship issues...

Now THIS is what I call a lack of communication.