Back to the Deep End

I owe you an apology.

My blog has gotten pretty lame lately. No really ... it has. I was reading through some of my posts from last year and most of them had a lot more substance than what I've published recently. So to you, my faithful readers (however many of you remain) I'm sorry for the shallow waters.

You want to go deep? Here's what's on my heart these days. I've been a Christian for over 20 years and I still haven't figured out how to hear God. It's really difficult to feel like I'm following God's direction when I can't hear Him. Frustrating, actually.

I know people hear the voice of God in all sorts of different ways.

Sometimes (but very rarely) it's an audible voice. My mom actually had this experience once. I think it was much more common for God to communicate this way a long time ago, though. I've never heard "a voice."

Many people hear God speak through his Word. I've had certain parts of Scripture that convict me or challenge me, but when I'm seeking God's direction about a particular thing, I always feel as if I find verses that could apply to my situation, I am really just making them fit my situation. Like it's me wanting God to be saying something to me. You know what I mean?

I've also heard that God speaks through prayer. Which could be true. But as much as I struggle with consistency in my prayer life, I hope He doesn't solely rely on that method to speak to me. Otherwise I've probably missed some pretty important stuff. When I sense the Holy Spirit saying something to me, there's usually an accompanying question of whether that's actually my voice trying to validate what I want.

I know God speaks through other people. I often seek the counsel of others. But I have to take everything that's said with a grain of salt because I know that because another person is involved, there's always some of them in what they say.

Also, here's another thing. I know the devil often confuses things further. He plays on my doubts. Sometimes he imitates the voice of God. Or plants seeds of doubt about what God has spoken.

God is, well ... God. He's big and powerful and in control of everything. He could tell me something clearly if He wanted to. Sometimes I wish He would choose to speak to me this way. Or at the very least, confirm my small steps of faith with some obvious sign. I realize this takes the "faith" part out of the journey, but some sign that I'm walking down the right path would be nice.