The Comfort Zone

I'm 37 weeks pregnant today. So technically that means I'm full term. The baby could come any day and be fine. It could be today.

The thought of being mom in a few weeks (or days!) is both incredibly exciting and totally intimidating. See, I'm by nature a comfort zone person. I like the idea of change more than I like change itself. I mean, look at my life. I've worked at the same place for 10 years. I live in the city I was born and raised in. Heck, I even married someone whose name is the same as both my mom and my dad's. And my brother's. And mine. Obviously, I like my comfort zone where it's safe and secure. And nothing is unknown.

But I've discovered something disturbing about the comfort zone. There is a distinct lack of faith there. In a place where I am totally safe and secure and everything is known, I have no need for God. I am not stretched. I have no reason to grow or change. It's comfortable, yes, but stagnant. And honestly, a little boring. Living in the comfort zone does not allow me to have the abundant life that Jesus talks about.

That's why, although I have literally no idea what I'm doing when it comes to things like labor, childbirth and raising a child, I'm looking forward to the approaching challenges with great excitement! And although I've had some pretty big moments of failure in this recently, I'm trying to keep the fear at bay. Because there's no way, even if it were possible at this point, that I want to stay in the comfortable, safe place I've been. I need this if I'm going to grow.

God is calling me to bigger things. He's calling me out of my safe place to a place of unknown.

Stop the Roller Coaster

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster that's going way too fast. It's making me nauseous. Can it be stopped to let me off, please?

I [[heart]] being engaged! I'm way excited to plan the wedding. We kind of started the process, but with so much family stuff going on, it's suddenly had to take a backseat for a while. I'm okay with that, though. There are more important things than my wedding.

Following my brother's daily updates from Reno is rough. I feel absolutely helpless and even though I'm praying for him pretty much non-stop, it feels like I should be doing something. And I'm not. I can't.

I'm having a hard time not being angry at God. I'm struggling because I know how powerful He is. I know He could heal him. Today. Within the hour. Right this second. But He's not. And that makes me angry.

Blech. I feel like I just threw up on you.

I've always hated roller coasters.

Birds of a Feather ...

I've heard that when you spend a lot of time with someone, you start to look and act like them.

So I'm curious ... is this true in your life?

I'm pretty sure it's true in mine.

2009

2009 years ago really isn't that long when you think about it. I've been thinking about it a lot today. I can't stop thinking about it.

Do you know what was happening 2009 years ago right now? Jesus, a 33-year-old man from Nazareth, was on trial. It's 8:37 am, which means at this moment He was probably standing in front of Pilate, the governor of Rome, listening to people bring all kinds of different accusations against Him.

He had spent the evening before having dinner with his closest friends and then trying to help them understand what was going to happen today. He had stayed up all night, begging God to make some other way for what He knew had to happen. When Judas showed up and kissed Him, He called him "Friend," with full knowledge of what Judas was doing.

It struck me this morning that what happened 2009 years ago in a little country near the Mediterranean Sea, was so significant - so momentous - that we determine our calendar by it. I mean, think about it. Isn't it incredible that no matter how hard someone tries to deny the significance of Jesus' death - no matter how "atheist" they claim to be - every single time they refer to the date, they are recognizing Him, whether they realize it or not? I love it.

I've been a Christian for most of my life. This is the 31st time I've celebrated Easter. Somehow, though, I've never understood the significance of this day. It was always just a day off of school or work. I have always wondered why we call it "good" Friday when Sunday was the day we celebrated. But somehow, for some reason, this year is different.

I finally understand. It is good. No, actually it's GREAT! It's FANTASTIC. It's EARTH-SHAKING. It's TREMENDOUS. I don't think the right adjective exists to adequately describe this day.

Today is the day Jesus died. FOR ME.

If it weren't for a series of seemingly everyday events that happened on the other side of the world a couple thousand years ago - events whose significance is almost always seriously, tragically underestimated - I'd be lost.

THAT is why this Friday is good.

I wonder what that Friday was like. What was the weather like? Was the sun shining or was it overcast? Was the wind blowing? What was that day like for those who were watching history unfold? Did they understand what was happening? What was it like for Mary and Joseph? How about for James, Jesus' brother?

I could sit here and think about this all day long.

You know what?

I have the day off. I think I will.

Missing God

Okay, I'm convicted.

One of my new favorite reads these days is Pete Wilson's blog. He's funny, well-spoken, wise, relevant, and yet still writes with true humility. (Somewhat of a rarity among preacher/bloggers, I'm finding.)

Anyway, his post really got me today. Read this.

It's true what he says ...

Each and every day the God of the universe wants me to listen to Him, tune into Him, walk with Him and yet I often choose to drown Him out with the noise of the world. I’m missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime.

I wonder what opportunities I've missed? The thing I do know is that I don't want to miss any more.

Lord, help me not to miss You in the seemingly small and insignificant.

Sunny Saturday in Spring

Coffee.
Bible.
Flip flops.

Yeah, I'm happy.

An Evening with Becky

Wow, it's Thursday already? Where did this week go?

Since the time changed and the days are warmer, I find myself living for 4:30. Every day. Don't get me wrong ... I like my job, but I LOVE summer evenings. I love leaving the office (where I've usually been cold for eight straight hours) and getting into my toasty car. I always sit for a few minutes and just soak up the warmth. Then I kick my shoes off, roll the windows down, crank the radio and enjoy the 20 minute drive home.

When I get home, usually the first thing I do is change into comfortable clothes (this inevitably includes a baseball hat and Crocs or flip flops) and take my dog for a walk. There are several paths through my neighborhood and I do a two-mile loop. On the nights when there's nothing going on at the church near my house, I'll let Havana run off leash for 10 or 15 minutes in the field next to the church.

When I get home, I'll decide what to make for dinner. I love trying new recipes and so often I'll browse through the latest issues of Gourmet, Bon Appetit or Real Simple to find a recipe to try. (Another place I find good dishes is Allrecipes.com.) As I cook I'll put a few of my most recently acquired CD's on shuffle. (This week it's Martin Sexton and India Arie.) Chris often joins me around this time, and true to his Italian heritage, he's an excellent cook. (And his eating skills are unmatched!)

After dinner, it's time to relax. This usually includes some combination of reading, watching TV, and reading blogs or Facebook. My living room windows face the west, so we often get to watch the sun go down over the mountains.

Evenings are my favorite time of day. I love the freedom to do the things I most enjoy without any agenda. I love spending quality time with my favorite person. I love relaxing and savoring the blessings God has given me.

Some might say that I waste my time on the frivolous and unimportant. That my life is too hedonistic. Or that I should be a better steward with my time. No matter how I choose to spend my time, though, there will always be more "could be's" or "should be's." In fact, I think Satan often uses guilt or a burden of responsibility to strip life of the good, the pleasurable, the enjoyable. I believe God is pleased when I'm not too busy doing his work to truly delight in his blessings.

Life is good.

He Chose Me

Every once in a while I get completely overwhelmed with the people that God has chosen to put into my life. Does that ever happen to you? It happened for me tonight.

I haven't talked much about my boyfriend Chris on this blog. We were coworkers first before we were dating, and many of our mutual coworkers read this blog, so it's always felt a little weird to get all mushy about him here. But I feel like it's long overdue. After tonight, I couldn't NOT write about him. (Coworkers, consider yourself warned.)

I'll try to keep the mush factor to a minimum in this post, but you guys, he is seriously unbelievable. I am in awe that God has decided that we're right for each other. I don't deserve him. Here's an example ...

Tonight, I was having one "those" nights. Nothing major happened, but for some reason I was in a funk. I felt burdened by life, annoyed at the world, frustrated with my dog, crampy, tired, and irritable. I know I was not pleasant company. On top of all that, tonight is Monday, which means we had dance class (a.k.a. our weekly fight.)

There were so many reasons for Chris to get frustrated with me. But you know what? He didn't.

He didn't say "I told you so" when my dog ignored me, even though he HAS told me many times exactly how to train her. He didn't get impatient with me when I messed up the dance steps. Over and over again. He didn't try to pull me out of my funk or fix anything - he was just there with me while I was in it. He allowed me to be grouchy without allowing it to affect him. He listened to me and hugged me and encouraged me and told me I was lovely.

This man was a perfect reflection of Christ to me tonight. And do you want to know the most amazing part? He is like that a lot. Even in those times when he gets stressed or angry or frustrated, he somehow manages to keep God in focus. I've never met anyone who is able to do that like he does.

There's so much more I want to say about him, but I'll save that for another post. Suffice it to say I feel incredibly lucky - no, incredibly blessed - that he thinks I'm worth loving.

I'm honored that he's chosen me.

Are You Alive?

MAY I PLEASE HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION?
Thank you.

Now, if you would all please follow me to my brother's blog.

Stat.

His post today is BRILLIANT. Very deep and yet so funny at the same time. (Oh and be sure to watch the video.)

Then if you liked the post, leave him a comment. Hopefully this will encourage him to post more often. Because obviously, he's got good stuff to say.

Benjamin Button

Yesterday I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I give it one and a half thumbs up. If you enjoy interesting stories ala Big Fish or Forrest Gump, or you enjoy contemplating life, or you enjoy great acting, or you enjoy Brad Pitt, then you should probably go see this movie.

Before I talk about the movie, however, I want to talk about the previews. They showed four previews before the movie, and I'm excited to report that for the first time ever, I was interested in all four movies! Three of them (Duplicity, New in Town and The Soloist) I will definitely see.

Now onto the review.

First of all, it was long. I can always judge how captivated I am by a movie by whether or not I wonder what time it is at any point. This movie is close to three hours and the pace of the story is slow, so I found myself wanting to check my watch two or three different times.

Also, the concept of the film takes a little getting used to. It's a little creepy to watch an old man acting like a child. When Benjamin meets Daisy for the first time, it feels like we're watching a 70 year old man hitting on a 12 year old girl. As I watched, I kept having to remind myself that he was a child and not a pedophile.

The other critique I have is this. There were several events in the story line that seem to have no other purpose than to lengthen the film. In my opinion, they didn't add any value to the story. For instance [spoiler alert], when he is about 30 years old Benjamin has an affair with a married woman. A good twenty minutes of the movie are spent detailing the affair, and then suddenly, it's over. It's never really referenced again, aside from a moment in a diner years later. I feel like the story would have been just as complete (and 20 minutes shorter) had that part just been left out completely. (If any of you see the movie and can help me understand the significance of this part, please enlighten me!)

However, these critiques aside, by far the best part about the movie was the acting - it was FANTASTIC. Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett are phenomenal. I knew going into the movie that I liked both of those actors, but they were able to pull off these characters in a way that far exceeded my expectations.

There's one other the thing I noticed about the movie. The hands. The progression of the closeup shots of each character's hands throughout the movie seems to parallel the aging process that each character experiences. I first noticed it when Benjamin learns to play the piano. Later, someone asks if his arthritic hands are painful. As he ages throughout the movie, his hands look younger. If I were writing a critical analysis of this movie for a college course, I think that's what I'd write about. If you haven't seen the movie yet, watch the series of hand shots. It's very interesting.

In summary, I recommend this movie. (Except to Carolyn because she and I never agree on movies so she'd probably hate it.)

I Am Second

January 22 will be a year since Heath Ledger died. Actors in Hollywood die all the time, but for some reason his death hit me harder than most. I remember reading the headlines about him, and feeling a profound sadness. I was sad for his fiance, sad for his little girl, sad for his family but mostly I was sad for him.

I remember the big controversy about whether the pills he took were suicide or an accident - whether his role in The Dark Knight had influenced his death. Rumors were rampant and people looked for any reason why a young, successful actor would purposefully end his life. Whatever the cause of his death, it definitely shocked a lot of people.

Whenever something like that happens, I realize how totally hopeless the world is without Christ. So many are desperate for meaning and will do anything to find it.

That's why I Am Second is so inspiring.

Hearing these people put God first and proclaim the Truth is incredible.

Watch the ones about Rod Bayron, Brian Welch, Shannon Culpepper and Nate Larkin. Oh and I enjoyed hearing Jason Castro's story, too.

Actually, you should probably just watch them all.

One of the most amazing things about God is that He is a God of redemption. He longs to redeem broken people. I love this about God.

The world needs to know.

ht: Fay

The Life of Becky

I've had a couple friends mention over the last couple days that although we haven't talked much lately, they keep up on my life through my blog. So I figure I better post some stuff to keep them up to date.

So Karen, Sara, (and whoever else might be interested in my life) ... this is for you. :)

1. My summer housemate Brionna just left early this morning to go back to school in California. I'm excited for her and sad for me. It was great having her around and I'm really going to miss her! Havana provides decent companionship, but she certainly doesn't do her share of the housework.

2. Speaking of Havana, we started CGC class last night. That's Canine Good Citizen class. According to the web site: CGC is a certification program that is designed to reward dogs who have good manners at home and in the community. Those of you who have met Havana can understand how something like this might be beneficial.

3. As of a few weeks ago, I've stopped drinking coffee. There were several factors that went into this decision. First of all, it's become a bit of a habit for me and so stopping is an exercise in discipline. I don't like being chemically dependent. Secondly, it's a health thing. I have to drink something in the mornings, so if it's not coffee, it's usually orange juice or water. That's much healthier. And finally, I like expensive coffee so it was costing me quite a bit of money to keep myself supplied. I'm hoping this new plan will save me roughly $30 a month.

4. I'm getting wood floors put on the main level of my house next month. When I first bought my place, I didn't bother replacing the already nasty carpet because I knew I wanted a puppy, but it's just gone from bad to worse. I can't wait! I get grossed out every time I run the vacuum. Or look down.

5. I've begun running! Just two miles. And just one or two times a week. It's still not my favorite thing. Probably never will be. (Spinning will always be #1.) But it's a great way for me to exercise myself and my dog at the same time. The key for me is good tunes. I hate running, but if I have good enough music to listen to, I can stand it. Any suggestions?

So there ya go. My life. Exciting, huh?
Have an excellent weekend, ya'll!

Salu. (My friend Roberto from El Salvador told me that's how they say goodbye there.)

Back to the Deep End

I owe you an apology.

My blog has gotten pretty lame lately. No really ... it has. I was reading through some of my posts from last year and most of them had a lot more substance than what I've published recently. So to you, my faithful readers (however many of you remain) I'm sorry for the shallow waters.

You want to go deep? Here's what's on my heart these days. I've been a Christian for over 20 years and I still haven't figured out how to hear God. It's really difficult to feel like I'm following God's direction when I can't hear Him. Frustrating, actually.

I know people hear the voice of God in all sorts of different ways.

Sometimes (but very rarely) it's an audible voice. My mom actually had this experience once. I think it was much more common for God to communicate this way a long time ago, though. I've never heard "a voice."

Many people hear God speak through his Word. I've had certain parts of Scripture that convict me or challenge me, but when I'm seeking God's direction about a particular thing, I always feel as if I find verses that could apply to my situation, I am really just making them fit my situation. Like it's me wanting God to be saying something to me. You know what I mean?

I've also heard that God speaks through prayer. Which could be true. But as much as I struggle with consistency in my prayer life, I hope He doesn't solely rely on that method to speak to me. Otherwise I've probably missed some pretty important stuff. When I sense the Holy Spirit saying something to me, there's usually an accompanying question of whether that's actually my voice trying to validate what I want.

I know God speaks through other people. I often seek the counsel of others. But I have to take everything that's said with a grain of salt because I know that because another person is involved, there's always some of them in what they say.

Also, here's another thing. I know the devil often confuses things further. He plays on my doubts. Sometimes he imitates the voice of God. Or plants seeds of doubt about what God has spoken.

God is, well ... God. He's big and powerful and in control of everything. He could tell me something clearly if He wanted to. Sometimes I wish He would choose to speak to me this way. Or at the very least, confirm my small steps of faith with some obvious sign. I realize this takes the "faith" part out of the journey, but some sign that I'm walking down the right path would be nice.

The Man with the Red Truck

I have a problem ...

See yesterday was driving home from work. It was about 4:30. The sun was getting ready to set in about half an hour. It was cold. The wind was blowing and it was snowing.

As I was pulling up to this light near New Life Church, there was a guy standing by the side of the road. He had shoulderlength hair and was kind of scruffy looking. (Although that's a pretty typical look for guys in this state.) Anyway, he was standing at the edge of the road and there was a truck a few feet behind him. He was holding out jumper cables. And he looked desperate.

The light was red, so I stopped and watched him in my mirror. He would motion to every car that went by with the jumper cables. Nobody stopped. I sat there at the light, trying to decide if I should turn around and try to help him. I watched probably 20 cars roll past him without even glancing at him. And when the light turned green, I drove away. And for the rest of the ride home (and the rest of the evening, actually) I felt horrible for not stopping.

So here's my question. Did I make the right decision? Because if I did, it felt pretty awful. Which makes me think maybe I didn't.

But I was alone. I'm a woman. If I had had someone else in the car with me, I would have stopped. If I had some pepper spray with me, I would have stopped. If I was a guy, I would have stopped. If he had been a woman, I would have stopped. I didn't stop because I was afraid of becoming the next day's headline.

I hate the fact that we live in a society where I can't stop and help someone because I'm afraid of what might happen to me. And how do I justify not stopping with the command in the Bible to help those in need? He was obviously in need and I had the ability to help him. But I didn't.

So help me out here. To you married guys out there, would you want your wife stopping to help a random guy who was stranded? Is it any different because I'm not married? Should I, as a single woman, have stopped? What really is more important ... protecting myself or helping someone in need? And how does my choice to protect myself fit with the verse about treating others as I would like to be treated? And putting others before myself? Should I have trusted to the Lord to protect me?

I'm seriously struggling with this. Any thoughts?

I now have a degree in Being Nice.

Last week I took a customer service training seminar for work. We basically spent eight hours learning how to be nice.

One of the more enlightening discussions we had was when we went around the room and each person shared past memorable customer service experiences ... good and bad.

I kept a tally of what people said. Without further ado, here is the list.

Places to avoid:

Bed, Bath & Beyond
Apparently it is a big hassle to return wedding gifts. Which is funny because, as I have observed from the one bazillion wedding showers I have attended, BB&B is, hands down, the most common place to register.

Sprint
This was mine. Nine stinking years of faithful patronage and not one good customer service experience! The only one to blame for my extended history of bad Sprint experiences is myself. I'm loyal to a fault, it seems.

Travelocity
Their TV ads claim you can call them any time, day or night, and they'll bend over backwards to help. According to my co-worker Mark's last vacation report, this is not the truth.

Orkin
Not that you have a lot of options when it comes to insect extermination or rodent control, but this seems like something you might want to get right the first time.

Walmart
Oh, so many places I could go with this. Suffice it to say, I'll just add "crappy customer service" as reason #3,763 I refuse to shop there.

Places to visit:

Pottery Barn
Again, according to my recently married friend, Pottery Barn is wonderful in going the extra mile to make sure you spread the word to all your engaged friends.

REI
They might sell [R]eally [E]xpensive [I]tems, but they'll treat you nicely as they do it!

T-Mobile
I finally left Sprint and switched to T-Mobile. They strive to be one of the top five companies known for their good customer service in the nation, among all businesses ... not just cell phone companies. So far, so good!

Lowes
In my single-female-visiting-a-home-improvement-store experience, Lowe's beats Home Depot any day of the week.

Firedog (Circuit City)
If you need any electronic equipment installed in your home, apparently Firedog is the company to call.

and my personal favorite ...

Chick-fil-A
Two words: "My pleasure!"

Any places you suggest I visit/avoid?

That's Life

Yesterday I walked into a public restroom, entered a stall and sat down.

The seat was warm.

Apparently the previous occupant had spent a significant amount of time in there in the not so distant past.

Gross.